
Friday, September 10, 2010
You're Hired!

Friday, September 3, 2010
The Pebbles and the Penguins.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Dear Chelsea
Dear Chelsea,
I had no idea you were an accomplished Science Fiction author as well. I have just moved to your home away from home, Australia… and I was franticly looking for Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang in a Borders bookstore near Melbourne (after I read Are You There Vodka in its entirety on my plane flight from Detroit to LA [I am Not from Detroit] where I was covering my mouth restraining myself from explosive laughter). I searched for “Chelsea Handler” in the Australian Borders database and I wish I had paid the little Asian to jailbreak my iPhone sooner so I could have taken a picture of what I found. Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang was listed in the Science Fiction section. I made a noise out loud—probably a guttural “HA”. I had a peruse through the section graced by the likes of JR Tolkien and Stephen Hawking… I was a stranger looking for someone familiar. Not only did Borders Australia send me to the Science Fiction section (of where I looked completely out of place with my lack of bodily acne and/or pocket protector), but your book wasn’t even there! I went to an Australian Borders Bookseller who had a touch of herpes on her face (I guess Levi has taken a trip down under.. They have Sarah Palin books here).. she called over the radio for “a Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang”. No Luck. She said Borders Australia could order me copy for $41. Not only did I want a Bang Bang NOW, but, Chelsea, on that Delta Flight where I fell in love with your written word… I was sitting on the ground for 2 hours and missed my flight on a different airline to Australia. Delta nor the airline could do anything for me so after arguing and pleading with extra-large, chocolate-covered-marshmallows of native Los Angelean Delta women – I had to shell out a grand for another ticket the next day in addition to the first one that Delta made me miss (missing my Australian boyfriend’s birthday). I just graduated from college and I’m a poor, unemployed wildlife biologist with a weakness for shoes and the E! network (don’t even get me started on the lack of programming here… now that Rove is retired) trying to start my career in Australia and I just couldn’t pay $41 for a book I’d read in like 4 hours. Although that’s like 2 hours of working here… but I’m not employed yet. I’m just thankful the beers with breakfast on the plane were free. Anyway, I just thought you would like to know where your book is meant to be according to Borders Australia. Also, do you know any second-hand bookstores in Australia?
Terribly missing the sharpest tongue in late night.
Love,
Bentley Bird
**I unlocked my own iPhone... but Chelsea likes Asians doing technical things
Monday, July 26, 2010
big green.
The flight was fine. I had a glass of wine and passed out. It was glorious. I slept the whole time. And I should... I was exhausted. After a quick freshening up of my hair and change of clothes in the Auckland airport (and the security officer telling me she had relatives in Miami) I was on the last leg of my journey. Finally. It was pretty surreal. A few movies and a beer with breakfast later. we were landing in Melbourne. The flight attendant/ air hostess (I'm still not sure what the proper term is) gave me a pep talk about things happening for a reason and we decided that all this happened because I met great people, reunited with Liliana, and that now I would take travel insurance out next time... we were still working on why her car cost $3000 to fix.
Arriving at the airport, breezed through the passport control. The woman asked me if I was going to Ocean Grove for the beach.. and I just blurted out "that's where my boyfriend is... it's been so long" and she said "oh how long has it been?" and I said "oh only a month and some but i've just been stuck in LA for days... Stupid Delta!" And she said "GO!" as she stamped my passport with a smile and shooed me through to reunite with Luke. I almost just went straight through the customs part where you collect your bag and go through the exit being checked one more time by an officer. I knew Big Lime wasn't there. I just wanted to see Luke. But for fear of being eaten by the attack customs beagle for not following protocol... I waited, with a small glimmer of hope, that my obnoxious, fluro bag would pop out of that tunnel and onto the shimmering belt of goodness. Nope. I made my way to yet another baggage office and made my claim. The woman told me my bag was in New Zealand. I was more than impressed. She said it would be delivered to Luke's house this evening. (Upon calling the number later to check on the Jolly Green Giant, I was told it was still in LA and would be there "tomorrow".... another call the next day gave me the eta of "tomorrow".... 2 days.. or 3 I'm still a little off with the time loss.. of washing my 2 changes of clothes... my bag is delivered by a man with a work shirt that matches Limey exactly. That made my day). Anyway, with my claim made, I burst through the security doors to find Luke still waiting (he probably thought I missed another flight by now) and was greeted with open arms (on my bruised shoulders). I'm sure it was pretty cute.
Two international tickets, some stress and adventure later... I'm finally, here. Sitting by the fire (because it's freezing.. but beautiful when the sun comes out). It only took me forever and a thousand more dollars to do it.. but I made it. My Aussie friends made it too. All three got on the standby flight they were hoping for the same night as me and also were one bag lighter upon arrival. Hooray for travel!
I will be writing strongly-worded letters and posts on some other blog things about my experience with Delta and NZ Air in hopes to get my money back. Apart from the money though, it was certainly an adventure and I'm glad it happened with Suz, Wayne, and Greg (and Liliana!).
Hopefully nothing this monumental happens too soon to have to come up with more nicknames for people. I feel like Chelsea Handler. (I read her book "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea" in it's entirety on the plane to LA from Detroit. I had to cover my mouth and turn into the window to hide my laughter. Thanks, Casey).
p.s. The birds are awesome here. In the backyard I saw a bunch of parrots and a flock of black cockatoos flew over yesterday. All wonderful people.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
really?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The journey begins.
So I've started my journey. With many goodbyes and well wishers and visitors this week... I'm off to Australia. (via Detroit, LA, and New Zealand). I have made it to Detroit (where the airport has a Jetsons tram inside and the occasional jungle noise). After a 3 hour layover and sushi at the airport, I'm about to get on the plane to LAX where I will have the shortest of my 3 layovers. 8 hours in NZ... Can't wait.